Let's Kill Aizen!
by Siyui No Akatsuki
Summary: Ever had the urge to kick Aizen in the nuts, make Byakuya dance the Tango with a broom, or just plain make fun of Grimmjow? Well, you're reading the right summary, mates! Warning: Hilarious Harassing of Hisagi inside. Are you up for it? -wiggles eyebrows-
1. The Chapter No One Cares About

**Siyui: **Are you guys ready….

_**FOR SOME KUNG FOO FIGHTING?**_

**Renji: **Sorry, but I don't think they are.

**Siyui: **Well, damn. Anyway, I am Siyui-no-Akatsuki, your host this evening, day, night, whatever! And I'm here to put a spin you your average run-of-the-mills 'Truth or Dare' story, your 'Ask the Bleach Characters' story, and your 'Talk Show' story! THIS IS ALL OF 'EM BABY!!!

**Renji: **But aren't there stories like this already?

**Siyui: **No one likes Captain Obvious, Renji. And it's not. This story is very different from the norm. It is the PEOPLES STORY! If you want something to happen, it'll happen eventually!

**Renji:** That'sprobably not reassuring to some people.

**Siyui: **TOO BAD!!! So, once ya finish readin' this chapter, send in your requests! They can be ANYTHING you want them to do, answer, or you can just tell them things!!! First five people get their own Renji! ^grabs Renji^ Don't worry, he even comes potty trained!!

**Renji: **GETTOFA ME! ^brushes himself off^ Anyway… Yeah. That's about it. See—

**Siyui:** NO RENJI!!

**Renji:** What?

**Siyui:** REEEEEEEEEEEEEENJI!!!!!

**Renji: **WHAT DO YOU WANT WOMAN?!?!

**Siyui:** …Hi.

**Renji:** I don't have to be part of this anymore. ^starts to leave^

**Siyui:** No, Renji!! Don't leave me!!! ^sniffles^ How… Why can't you accept my love?!?!

**Renji:** WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!

**Siyui:** ^like a sappy love movie^ Why… why can't we go to like thing were before?

**Renji:** What 'before'?!?! There was no before!! (Crap, now I'm doing it too!!)

^Complete Silence^

Siyui: WAAAAAAAAAA!! YOU REJECTED MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

^Continues Screeching^

**Renji:** Why won't it shut up?

**Siyui:** -- !!!

**Renji:** GA!

**Siyui:** ^shuts up^

**Renji:** Whoa. It'… quiet.

**Siyui (?):** ^appears out of nowhere^ Yup. You just need to press the off switch. ^ picks up… other self^ This thing's pretty spiffy, ain't it? Good for new story intros, disclaimers, ect. BTW people, I don't own Bleach! That's Tite Kubo's job, not mine! And Renji?

**Renji:** Yeah?

**Siyui:** Didn't you see the off switch? And what was it doing?

**Renji:** ^ignores first question^ Well, it confessed it's love for me.

**Siyui:** Wow.

**Renji:** Who wouldn't?

…

**Siyui:** ^presses button^

_**EPIC FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL!!!**_

**Siyui:** And that was the Epic Fail button, people! So, please drop your ideas, questions, and dares, and they'll be in the next chapter!!!

_**Next on Let's Kill Aizen….**_

_**We push Aizen down some stairs!!**_

_**Byakuya gets harassed by some fangirls!**_

_**Ichigo finds his inner Girl Scout!**_

_**And whatever else you guys send me…!!**_


	2. The First REAL Chapter!

**Siyui:** Hello lovely darrrrlings! I got so many lovely reviews, and it just makes my tummy tickle with happiness! Yay!!

**Renji:** You should shut up before you scare them all away.

**Siyui:** ^shiny eyes^ Please don't leave me.

**Renji:** … Okay… Anyway, since this is my, well, _job_, I'll read the first—

**Siyui:** NO REEEEEEEEENJI!!!

**Renji:** WHAT?

**Siyui: **Reading reviews is MY job, doofus. Since this is MY job, here's numero uno!

**From: **_**flightlessbirdforever**_

_**oh! oh! oh!  
call grimmjow a wittle kitty cat! hahaha!**_

**Siyui:** Ah! Renji! Get my phone! ^holds out hand^

**Renji:** Here's you stupid phone…

^^^^PHONE TIME^^^^^^

_Grimmjow: Hello?_

_Siyui: ^low voice^ Hello Mr. Wittle Kitty Cat, this is the Navy—_

_Grimmjow: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!?!_

_Siyui: Anything wrong sir?_

_Grimmjow: YOU JUST CALLED ME—_

_Siyui: Sir, I called you your name._

_Grimmjow: YOU DID NOT CALL ME GRIMMJOW!!!_

_Siyui: Yes I did, Mr. Wittle Kitty Cat._

_Grimmjow: Y-Y-YOU JUST CALLED ME WITTLE KITTY CAT!!!_

_Siyui: No I did not, Mr. Wittle Kitty Cat._

_Grimmjow: WHO IS THIS?!??!_

_Siyui: This is Renji Abari of the 6__th__ Company. I'm the Lieutenant._

_Grimmjow: NAME THE TIME AND PLACE!_

_Siyui: How about… Now? In… the 12__th__ Company's giant lab room._

_Grimmjow: WHICH ONE?_

_Siyui: The one with a ton of expensive stuff._

_Grimmjow: !!!!_

^^^^^^PHONE TIME OVER^^^^^^^

**Siyui:** Renji daaaaarling?

**Renji:** ^hesitating^ …What?

**Siyui: **Would you be a daaaaaaarling and go to the 12th Company's lab room? Ya know, the one with the most expensive stuff?

**Renji:** Fine… ^starts to walk off^ Wait, why?

**Siyui:** I need you to pick something up for me…

**Renji:** If you say so… ^leaves^

**Siyui:** He really shouldn't trust me. ^laughs^ Anywho, since Renji probably won't be coming back for a while unless it on a stretcher, I have already gotten a new co-host! Toshiro, get your shorty but in here!

**Toshiro:** It. Is. Captain. Hitsugaya.

**Siyui:** IT IS?! ^gasp^ I didn't know. Anyway, read the next review, Toshiroo.

**Toshiro: **Did you just call me Toshiroo?

**Siyui:** Indeed I did. Now READ!

**Toshiro:** Fine.

_**From:**____**sallythedestroyerofworlds23**_

_**ooh! fun fun fun!!  
i want to fangirl-harass toshiro!  
force ichigo and rukia under the mistletoe!  
get aizen stuck in an elevator with yachiru! (or kenpachi!)  
lock ulquiorra with yachiru!  
play Twister with Tousen!(lol so cruel!)  
YAY!**_

**Siyui:** Yay! To—

**Toshiro:** Wait, no—

**Siyui:** ^ties him up^ Ah, Sally-chan~!

**Sally:** ^glomps Toshiro^

**Siyui:** Sally-chan, you win…

An all-expenses paid trip to Cancun!!

Two hundred feet of duct tape!

An aluminum bat!

And this is what is included in the Fangirl Package, Sally-chan! Enjoy~!

**Toshiro:** ^pleading^ No, wait— ^dragged away^

**Siyui: **Aw, and another co-host bites the dust… Okay! On to the other parts! Ichi-pon! Rukruk-chan~!

**Ichigo:** What in the world do you want?

**Rukia:** Hello, Siyui-sensei!

**Siyui:** Ah, Ichi, Rukruk, I hope you guys enjoy this~~!

**Ichigo:** Wha—

**Rukia:** Sen—

**Siyui:** ^duct tapes them together^ Now… ^stations them directly under a mistletoe inside of a closet^ And here you go!!! Remember: Keep it PG, PG-13 at least! And if so, use protection!!

**Ichigo:** WHA—

**Siyui:** ^slams closet^ Okay. We got that taken care of… ^reads list^ Next… AIZEN!!

**Aizen:** Yes?

**Siyui:** ^pushes Aizen down some stairs^ I promised you guys I'd do that!

**Aizen:** AHHHHH!!! ^still falling. These are very high stairs^

**Siyui:** When he gets back up here…

**Aizen:** ^finally gets back to the top of the stairs, struggling^ Why did you do—

**Siyui:** ^pushes him back down^ Ah, this is quite fun.

**Aizen:** AHHHHHHH!!!

**Siyui:** Geez, you baby.

^^^^BOTTOM OF STAIRCASE^^^^

**Aizen:** ^lands on a floor^ Wow, something broke my fall… ^elevator door close^ WHAT?

**Yachiru:** Four Eyes! ^glomps his face^

**Aizen:** ^nervous laughter^ Y-you have me confused with someone else… I don't have glasses…

**Yachiru: **^doesn't falter^ But you used to!

**Aizen:** SOMEBODY SAVE MEEEE!!!

^^^^TOP OF STAIR CASE^^^^

**Siyui:** Wow, that was pretty nifty. Okay, next… Ah, that's easy!

^^^^ELEVATOR^^^^

**Yachiru:** EAT THE COOKIE!!!

**Aizen:** NOOO!!!!

^doors open, Ulquiorra thrown in^

**Yachiru:** ^creepy^ New playmate…

**Aizen and Ulquiorra:** AHHHHH!!!!

^^^^^TOP OF STAIRCASE^^^^^

**Siyui:** I feel bad now.

…

**Siyui:** Nevermind, it was just indigestion.

**Tousen:** You are a terrible person.

**Siyui:** Yup. Oh, 'ello Tousen!!!

**Tousen: **Hello. Don't you have a sense of justice?

**Siyui:** …

**Tousen:** Answer.

**Siyui: **Not really, now that I think about it. Oh well. Time for you to play some Twister!!!

**Tousen:** NEVER!! NEVER AGAIN!!! ^runs away^

**Siyui:** Aw, damn. Now I have to find him… ^cell phone rings^

_^^^^PHONE TIME^^^^_

_Siyui: Hello? This is Siyui-no-Akatsuki._

_Renji: AHHHHHH!!!! ^panting^ SIYUI WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!?!?!_

_Siyui: Do what?_

_Renji: WHY IS GRIMMJOW SO ANG— AHHH!!! ^phone cuts off^_

_^^^^PHONE TIME OVER^^^^_

**Siyui:** Oops. I don't think Renji is really coming back… Darn. I really do need a new co-host… Anyway, time for the next—

**Gin:** Hello, Siy-chan.

**Siyui:** Um, hi…? How did you even…?

**Gin:** The door was open…?

**Siyui:** Um, no it wasn't. I had the doors guarded… Did you kill my brand new guards?!

**Gin:** ^looks around suspiciously^

**Siyui: **^exasperatedly^ GIN! That was the third time I had to replace those.

**Gin: **Sorry… I just wanted to be part of the show…

**Siyui:** Gin?

**Gin:** Yes, Siyui?

**Siyui:** YOU COULD'VE JUST ASKED ME!!!!!

**Gin:** Yeah, probably…

**Siyui:** ^slaps forehead^ You owe me about two thousand bucks for those guards.

**Gin:** … Ah! The next review—

**Siyui:** You retard.

**Gin:** —is from…

_**xX12Xx**_

_**OMG! CANNOT WAIT FOR HILLARITY TO INSUE~!  
i want Hisagi, Kira, Renji, Ichigo, and Grimmjow ['cause who doesn't luv Grimm] tied to chairs and forced to watch 12 straight hours of The CareBears ^_^  
i second sallythedestroyerofworlds23's request for Tousen and the game of Twister! [i luv it!]  
looking forward to more chapters!**_

**Siyui:** ^blushes^ Aw, I feel loved…!

**Gin:** ^hits her^

**Siyui:** ^holding head^ OW! What was that for?!

**Gin:** I am not allowed to let anybody feel any love from anybody for more than three seconds. It's against my morals.

**Siyui:** That doesn't make sense!

…

**Siyui:** Nevermind… Anyway, CareBears?

**Gin:** CareBears?

**Hisagi:** CAREBEARS?!?!

**Siyui:** How did you get in here?!

**Hisagi:** ^sheepishly^ Well, the gua—

**Siyui:** Nevermind, don't finish that sentence… Ugh. Hisagi, make Ichi and Rukruk get out of the closet.

**Gin: **^snickers^ I'd wear a blind fold.

**Hisagi:** ^leaves to other room to open closet^ It's not gonna be that ba— OH MY GOD! AHHH!!!

**Gin:** ^still laughing^ Said he would need a blindfold.

**Siyui:** Gin, go and get Renji and Grimmjow.

**Gin:** ^raises an eyebrow^ What are _they_ doing?

**Siyui:** ^rolls eyes^ You're about to find out. Go and get them from Mayuri's lab.

**Gin:** Which one?

**Siyui:** Think about it.

**Gin:** The one with all the expensive stuff?

**Siyui:** Exactly.

**Gin:** I'm OFF!!!

_______Two retrieving people hours later______

**Siyui:** ^claps hands^ Okay everybody, I have a uniformed reason for duct taping you guys to sofas.

**Renji: **^beat up^ Why?

**Kira:** Why _are_ we here?

**Siyui:** ^scratches back of head^ Well, !!! ^leaves^

**Everyone:** WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!

**TV:** ^singing^ Love, Happiness, and Friendship…

________TWELVE HOURS LATER_________

**Everyone: **^twitching^ L-l-l-love…

**Siyui:** Ha ha, I'm glad I'm not THEM! We have one more review meh peeps…

_**From: Kiddy-cookie-Chan**_

_**lol coolio! You should make Grimmjow adopt kittens and make him call them his children!**_

**Siyui:** ^de-duct tapes him^ Grimmjow, you have to adopt some—

**Grimmjow:** ^instantly active^ I'M NOT ADOPTIN' NOTHIN'!!

**Siyui:** ^sighs^ Grimmjow, you have to do it. It's a review. DO IT!!!

**Grimmjow:** I WILL NEVER!!!

**Siyui:** YOU WILL BECAUSE I SAY SO DAMMIT!! ^duct tapes him to a rocket^ NOW DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YA GOT KIN!!! ^shoots rocket to who knows where^

**Everyone:** ^wide eyed^

**Siyui:** Er… Don't worry, I only have, like, three more of those.

…

**Siyui:** Anyway, that's it for today, my lovely daaaaaaarlings!!!! Remember: Tell me what you want to happen! Flames will be used to roast Nnoitra over an open fire! Yaaaaay!!!! Sayonara!!!!

_**Next Time… on Let's Kill Aizen…**_

_**Tousen plays some TWISTA!!**_

_**Grimmjow has babies…? (Is that possible?)**_

_**Ichigo has to baby sit them and earns his Babysitting badge…? (Is **_**that **_**possible?)**_

_**We find Hisagi a girlfriend! Because he needs one! (Anybody wanna be her? Send me a profile!)**_

_**And whatever you send me…! Ushishishishishi!!**_

_**Siyui: Oh, and if you want me to do a oneshot for ya, drop by my blog at . and tell me what you want me to write!!! **_


End file.
